Are you feeling the heat and looking for a laugh? These jokes use comparisons to exaggerate the heat and make for a humorous punchline. From “It’s hotter than a ghost pepper in a sauna” to “It’s hotter than a two-dollar pistol”, you’ll find a wide variety of jokes that play off this classic phrase. The jokes on this page is intended for entertainment purposes and it is not meant to offend anyone. They’re simply a way to add a little humor to a hot summer day or any time when you are looking to laugh and enjoy some funny jokes. Feel free to add your own jokes as well.
It’s so hot that I bought some bread and it turned into toast
It’s so damn hot outside, gangs are doing drive-bys with super soakers.
It’s so hot, Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot, I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking
It’s so hot, I saw a funeral procession pull through a Dairy Queen
It’s so hot Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.
It’s so hot that the chicken’s laid hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot, even my ex-wife’s heart is melting
It’s so hot bums are holding signs that read, “Will work for shade.”
It’s so hot that cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot, Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner
It’s so hot, you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time
It’s so hot, I asked Bear Grylls to piss on me.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot, hot water comes out of both taps
It’s so hot, my Iceberg lettuce melted.
It’s so hot that Satan went back to hell to cool down.
It’s so hot, I just saw two trees fighting over a dog.
It’s so hot my dream house in any house in Alaska.
It’s so hot out, Superman took a cab.
It’s so hot that my popcorn seeds starting popping.
It’s so hot out, that I carry a spatula to pry my balls off my leg.
It’s so hot, I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot, asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot, the carton of milk I’m drinking was a bad idea.
It’s so hot, your clothes will iron themselves
It’s so hot, I get condensation on my backside from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot out, I had sex with Aquaman and don’t feel gay about it.
It’s so hot, I saw the devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner
It’s so hot out, I saw a chicken lay a fried egg.
It’s so hot I took off my flesh and sat on my bones.
It’s so hot that I called my ex to get some shade.
It’s so hot, the Betty Ford Clinic opened a wet bar.
It’s so hot, my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot, firecrackers light themselves
It’s so hot, Global Warming was like “Damn, it’s hot out.”
It’s so hot, E.L. James titled her next book Fifty Shades of Red.
It’s so hot in Texas, I bought some Mrs Baird’s bread, but by the time I got home, it was Texas Toast.
It’s so hot, I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.
It’s so hot, even the artificial flowers are dying
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot out, I just saw a penguin blow a seal.
It’s so hot, my crayons are now watercolors.
It’s so hot, I saw a chicken lay an omelette
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot in Texas right now, even my hair is getting sunburnt.
It’s so hot, Bill Cosby is sleeping with his wife to get a cold shoulder.
It’s so so hot today, I almost called up some old friends to be around some shade.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot out, I saw a bee take off its yellow jacket.
It’s so hot outside that I poured McDonald’s hot coffee on my lap just to cool off.
It’s so hot, now we can make Instant sun tea
It’s so hot, my new phrase for making love is burning rubber.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot that all chocolate is drinkable.
It’s so hot, polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot in the Apple store because they have no Windows.
It’s so hot the cookie dough I bought turned into cookies!
It’s so hot that I tried pleasuring myself and had a heat stroke.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot that you can tell who has plastic surgery.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot even the bee’s perm has become unmanageable and now she’s a frizzbee.
It’s so hot, that I got in the jacuzzi to cool off.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot, catfish are already fried when you catch them
It’s so hot, I’m going to Home Depot just to stand in front of one of their industrial-sized fans.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot, I went outside for a smoke and the cigarette lit itself.
It’s so hot, you learn that your seat belt makes a pretty good
branding iron
It’s so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot outside, I almost want to move to hell to cool off.
It’s so hot, I pissed that hot beer yesterday.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot, Coldplay is room temperature.
It’s so hot, the devil is out front sunbathing in a thong.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot that the peanut butter melted.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot my apple juice fermented into wine and got fizzy like soda.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot, I tried taking a cold shower and got third-degree burns.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out the ground.
It’s so hot outside that Dune is starting to feel like a training manual.
It’s so hot, Jesus turned the wine back into water.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot that even Mr. Heat Miser is miserable.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot that my Speed Stick Deodorant quit.
It’s so hot, freaks don’t come out at night.
It’s so hot that the car overheats before you start it.
It’s so hot, I microwaved my head just to cool down a little.
It’s so hot that I saw a squirrel pick up a nut with pot holders.It’s so hot we had to ship the fish to Seattle just so they wouldn’t forget how to swim.
It’s so hot even white collar workers are red necks.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number!
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot global warming has been replaced by global melting.
It’s so hot that I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog.
It’s so hot out, I baked lasagna in my mailbox.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heat waves.
It’s so hot that my Pot Tarts popped.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot that I’ve gone for Lemon & Herb in Nando’s.
It’s so hot that I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog.
It’s so hot, my t-shirt says tough shit.
It’s so hot, my canon is overheating in photo mode.
It’s so hot, I’m sweating like a Catholic choirboy tying his shoelaces.
It’s so hot, I think mosquitoes took a day off.
It’s so hot that I’m sweating like a politician on election day.It’s so hot, cows are giving evaporated milk
It’s so hot, I’m watching March of the Penguins just to cool down.
It’s so hot, you gotta put deodorant on before bed.
It’s so hot right now in SoCal, I just saw an iguana with a parasol.
It’s so hot, you get condensation on your butt from the water in the toilet bowl
It’s so hot out, I walked through a car wash to remember what rain felt like.
It’s so hot, I saw a crackhead putting copper back into an air conditioner
It’s so hot in L.A, police chalk outlines have sweat marks under their arms.
It’s so hot, that you could actually cook a full English breakfast on my forehead.
It’s so hot, when I took water out of the refrigerator, the goddamn bottle started sweating!
It’s so hot, Jehovah’s Witnesses have started telemarketing
It’s so hot in LA, dreams are melting all over the sidewalk.
It’s so hot, I wish I could put my titties in a ponytail.
It’s so hot, your car overheats before you even start it
It’s so hot, when a guy says he is looking at OnlyFans, he is actually looking at only table fans.It’s so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, “Will work for shade”
It’s so hot that every time I try to speak all that comes out is a Tennessee Williams monologue.